To Whom it May Concern...

Best friend:someone with whom one shares the strongest kind of friendship. Would you say our friendship is strong? That would be ridiculous because you are benefiting my life in absolutely no way right now. I don't know if you ever really did because from my perspective this friendship has always been one sided. I have lied for you...I have hurt people for you....I have allowed you to get away with things other people wouldn't have gotten away with. All for you to lie to me...hurt me....turn your back on me when I needed you the most. You went from being the first person I call when I'm hurt to being the one hurting me. I should just leave you alone...but these memories torture me. They keep telling me that this is just a phase eventually you will be back to the person I knew. The one who treated me with importance....my childhood love because that's what you were. You know that right? You were the first boy I ever loved I may express my love differently than most for example, when I try to force you to put your seatbelt on or when I hound you to make decisions with your life because I see the potential you have. I'm sorry but that's how I show my love and if you push me away for that then maybe I'm not supposed to be in your life. I think when someone's been in your life for so long you're trained to care for them because there's not a day that goes by that your well being doesn't cross my mind. Time has made you one of the most important people in my life. I hate that. It infuriates me that the past me got so attached to you that the present me cannot let go. But you know what infuriates me more? The fact that you do not care. I could pour my heart out TODAY and it still wouldn't make a difference because you're an egotistical idiot. These years have made you pigheaded and you've forgotten who's ALWAYS been there. ME. I was there when these same people you call your friends had nothing but insults for you. I was there when you were struggling with low self esteem. I loved you. I really did. But you loved what I could do for you. Once the need disappeared....so did the attention you gave me. That's sad...I thought more of you. You disappointed me. How could you be so shallow? You almost ruined me this past summer you know. I used to sit in the tub with the shower running and just cry until I started dry heaving. Thank God I'm stronger now. We came close to being done with each other then. It was hard for a couple days....but it got better. The tears came less until they finally dried. Yes you apologized and we made up but that's not my point. My point is I know now I can live without you. I will be okay because there has to be better than you. There is a God so I know there has to be better than you. I think I'm going to have to let you go to find it. Nicki Minaj once said:" Still don't with death on 'em I just reflect on 'em." Bye.